Showing posts with label Itchy and Scratchy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Itchy and Scratchy. Show all posts

Friday, April 25, 2008

Unmasked: the MCDCC Member Who Voted for Jennings Over Edwards

Relying on our extensive spy network inside the Montgomery County Democratic Central Committee (MCDCC), we have uncovered the identity of the MCDCC member who voted to send Jason Jennings and not Donna Edwards to Congress. But first some background.

Back in February, Donna Edwards defeated incumbent 4th District Congressman Al Wynn in the Democratic primary. Shortly afterwards, Wynn announced he was resigning early to accept a lobbying job. The Governor declared that there would be a special general election held on June 17th to determine who would fill the rest of Wynn’s term. There would be no special primary; instead, the party central committees in both Montgomery and Prince George’s Counties would nominate a candidate to stand in the special general election. If the two central committees failed to agree, the state central committee would make the choice.

Donna Edwards, who steamrolled the eight-term incumbent, was widely expected to be MCDCC’s choice. But Jason Jennings, another Democratic challenger who lost badly to Edwards in the primary, submitted his resume to the committee as an alternative. MCDCC voted to nominate Edwards by a margin of 22 to 1. But it’s the one vote in favor of Jennings that has really made tongues wag. “Who was it?” cried out the county’s political junkies.

We gave the top-secret mission to our hardened spy corps inside MCDCC. These are the people who scale the castle walls, pick the locks, steal the bon bons and penetrate the hidden vaults of the Baroness. After numerous brushes with guards, attack dogs and angry peasants from Georgia Avenue, our spies brought back the name of the Jennings voter: Vilma P. White.

Ms. White is a Silver Spring resident who lives in Congressional District 8. She was elected as part of MCDCC’s at-large slate in 2006. The slate had no opposition apart from eternal school board candidate and MPW favorite Tommy Le. We emailed Ms. White asking for comment and she has not responded.

Let’s keep in mind the scope of Edwards’ election victory over Jennings. In the Congressional District 4 primary, Edwards finished first in the district with 78,008 votes. Jennings tied for fourth of seven candidates with 1,429 votes. In Montgomery County, the jurisdiction represented by Ms. White, Edwards received 28,781 votes compared to Jennings’ total of 609. And yet Ms. White, who does not live in Congressional District 4, was convinced that Jennings deserved to be the Democratic nominee despite the overwhelming disagreement of her constituents.

[Sigh…] I guess this is our fault. We have been overly harsh with MCDCC over the last few months. Perhaps the pressure of fending off our constant troublemaking is getting to some of them. I had dismissed the rumor that MCDCC Vice Chairman Alan Banov was seen walking down the center of Connecticut Avenue in full scuba gear, but maybe that was true after all.

So perhaps MCDCC should be given a break. We at MPW are going to start a holiday fund for them so that they can take a well-deserved vacation at Wheaton’s beautiful Brookside Gardens. In the meantime, we will recruit Kevin Gillogly, Robin Ficker, Itchy and Scratchy and Muffitt to hold down the fort.

We can only hope that none of them would vote for Jason Jennings!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Budget Cutbacks at MPW

Recently, we have offered frequent coverage of budget problems at both the state and county levels to our readers. This week, the Gazette reported that MCGEO – the county government employees union – submitted a list of budget savings to the county including limits on toilet paper provided to inmates. In that spirit, we at MPW are announcing a package of budget cutbacks at this blog to deal with our own financial difficulties.

1. MPW owner David Lublin has called his union contract with myself, Kevin Gillogly and Paul Gordon “unsustainable.” Apparently our provisions on catch-up pay to the bloggers on Free State Politics are excessive. So David is cutting our cost-of-living increase to zero, which should save him a lot of money. In return, he is terminating his union-avoidance consultant.

2. We will be introducing a new comment fee for our readers. Anyone posting comments of praise for our opinions, writing skills or superior good looks will be exempted from the fee. Extra charges will be assessed on anyone making more than a million dollars per year, any developers, any members of MCDCC or PGCDCC and any politicians who voted to pass the much-hated blogger tax.

3. We will no longer be employing Itchy and Scratchy as security service providers to this blog. Our readers are aware that we have occasionally criticized certain officials inside the county government. So a couple months ago, we decided to hire a security service for fear of encountering active intimidation by county government employees. But now Itchy and Scratchy will have to return to the state fundraising circuit.

4. Our much-anticipated $65,000 bathroom project with a private shower is indefinitely postponed. The reason is simple: our readers access our content from remote locations. If you are not in our physical presence, what need do we have for hygiene?

5. The saddest casualty of our budget cuts may be David’s hairless chihuahua, Muffitt. He can no longer afford to feed caviar to Muffitt on a daily basis so her fine dining needs will now be covered by donations from the Columbia Country Club.

But fear not for Muffitt! We are sending her to work on Senate President Mike Miller’s staff and, in a couple years, she will leave to pursue her fortunes as a high-priced, Miller-connected lobbyist! Muffitt’s burgeoning career in Annapolis will no doubt pay the bills for MPW (as well as David’s mortgage)!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

MPW Banned by Federal Agency

One of our long-time readers has reported that a federal agency, the reader's employer, has blocked Maryland Politics Watch blog. The reader has asked us not to publicly name the agency for fear of potential waterboarding.

When the reader attempted to access our site, the following message came up:

SITE BLOCKED
This site has been blocked by the security team because it is listed by the vendor of our Web-blocking software as having one or more of the following among its content:

Web Chat Service
Web-Based E-mail Service
Pornography / Sexual Content
Gambling or Games
Illegal Activity / Drugs / Hate Propaganda / Violence
RealAudio or RealVideo Services
Hmmm... pornography, sexual content, gambling, hate propaganda, violence... Now Mr. Gillogly, have you been posting and deleting things in the middle of the night for your degenerate friends?

Which post got MPW banned? Was it our account of Itchy and Scratchy's appearance at a recent fundraiser? Those two are definitely violent enough to get banned. Was it our lampoon of Mike Miller's blogger tax? The Senate President is certainly powerful, but maybe not powerful enough to control a federal agency's Internet security team. The same goes for County Executive Ike Leggett, who probably can't wait for people to stop discussing his new bathroom. Or perhaps the feds saw Dana Beyer's hell-raising escapades outside the Bethesda Giant and judged us to be a national security threat.

I can't shake the feeling that MCDCC had something to do with this. Any comment from Alan Banov or Marc Korman?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

General Assembly Announces Blogger Tax

Following is the exclusive transcript of the press conference called by Senate President Mike Miller.

Senate President Miller: Ladies and gentlemen of the press – the real press – I am announcing today a solution for the state’s financial crisis. Delegates Bill Frick and Kirill Reznik are introducing The Blogger Taxation Act of 2008. For too long, a growing group of rogue bloggers have been enriching themselves by impugning the integrity of your state’s noble public servants. It’s time that the people received a share of their ill-gotten gains!

Under the provisions of the bill, each blog post would be taxed $1,000. Any post mentioning a state legislator would be taxed $5,000. And any post that mentions me – well, don’t bother, because you don’t have the money!

Reporter: What about a companion bill in the Senate?

Senator Rich Madaleno: I will introduce the Senate version of the bill. It will of course be amended to exempt sitting office-holders.

Miller: I can’t stress enough what a high priority this is for the state. Your legislators work hard every day and these bloggers don’t understand that. Our folks get more emails than God, have to put up with crazy constituents at home and are forced to stay up until 2 in the morning listening to boring speeches by assembly leadership!

Reporter: But Mr. Miller, you are the Senate President.

Miller: Errr, well yes, strike that remark from the record. Anyway, support for the legislation is coming in faster than we can track it. Already, we have letters from the Montgomery County Democratic Central Committee, Montgomery County Executive Ike Leggett, Montgomery County Council Members Nancy Floreen, George Leventhal and Marc Elrich and famous television personalities Itchy & Scratchy complaining of defamation on these blogs. Even one of the bloggers themselves is calling for a halt to the nonsense! And poor Don Dwyer is still apologizing to his constituents after those bloggers caught him raising money for Dana Beyer!

[Unidentified delegate shouting from back]: Why are you blogging about the CARR bill? I’ve got five bills that are better. Where’s my blog coverage you little punks?!

Miller: Enough of that! These bloggers are getting rich – I mean, some of them live in Chevy Chase for heaven’s sake! It’s time for them to pay up!

[Just then, a stretch limo arrives with a license plate number of “CH CH 1.” Preceded by four tuxedo-wearing servants, world-famous blogger David Lublin steps out carrying his chihuahua, Muffitt.]

Lublin: This blogger tax is unfair, Mr. President! The Blogger.com fees are already killing me, my advertisers are asking for lower rates and now you want to tax me. I might have to move to Virginia! As it is, I can only afford to feed caviar to Muffitt three times a week. [Yap! Yap!] Look, you’re disturbing Muffitt! [Yap-yap! Yap!]

Miller: Now now, Muffitt, I meant no offense. [Kisses chihuahua on head] We certainly can’t have you rich people moving to Virginia. After all, we need the campaign contributions! So maybe we can work something out. But can you bloggers at least just tell the truth the way your public servants do?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

It's Just Not That Strange, George

The Washington Post just carried an article in which Montgomery County Council Member George Leventhal complained about a school fundraiser at McDonald's. I've got news for you, George: given what's already going on, it's just not that strange!

According to the Post, the "McTeachers Night" fundraisers feature teachers serving students at McDonald's with the schools getting a cut of the proceeds. Upon hearing about this at a council meeting, Leventhal reacted with disbelief:

"Teachers are enlisted by McDonald's to work behind the cash register at McDonald's, and students are recruited to go to McDonald's that night to see their teacher dishing out the Big Macs?" he asked with horror. "I never heard of that."

About 20 minutes later, Leventhal spoke up again. "The McDonald's thing really bothers me a lot," he said, his sentiment partly fueled by a concern about childhood obesity. "I mean, I don't know if we'd have a fundraiser at the local cigarette store."
Now look, George. It's seventy degrees out and it's February, and that's causing some odd behavior. Governor O'Malley and State Superintendent of Schools Nancy Grasmick kissed and made up. Immigrant-baiting Republicans are voting for John McCain for President. And even you and Marc Elrich are cooperating(!) on a bill to protect domestic workers. So maybe it's not so strange that among these oddball alliances, the teachers are teaming up with McDonald's.

And that's not all! Looking through my inbox, I see a lot more weird things going on. Hmmm, let's go through the list of upcoming events:

March 8
Fundraiser for County Council Member Marc Elrich, Federal Realty Headquarters, Rockville, MD. Special guests: Neighborspac Executive Director Drew Powell and Doug Duncan.

March 29
Fundraiser for _______________ at Georgia Avenue/Forest Glen Road intersection, Silver Spring. (Errr, one problem with this. We can't get any politicians to appear for fear of endangering their lives at the Intersection of Death.)

April 17
Casa de Maryland hosts rally for County Executive Candidate Chuck Floyd, Wheaton. Special guests: District 18 Delegate Ana Sol Gutierrez and Help Save Maryland Founder Brad Botwin. Start of petition drive calling for removal of MCPD Chief Tom Manger.

April 26
Joint Fundraiser, District 39 Senator Nancy King and Delegate Saqib Ali, Montgomery Village. Special guests: Governor O'Malley and Comptroller Franchot. Also appearing: Abraham Van Helsing and Dracula.

May 10
Reverend Donald Wildmon hosts fundraiser for District 18 Delegate Candidate Dana Beyer, Chevy Chase. Special guests: District 31 Delegate Donald Dwyer and District 18 Delegate Jeff Waldstreicher. Also appearing: Itchy and Scratchy.