Monday, April 14, 2008

Foolio Demands a Union

A Navarro campaign worker who refers to himself only as “Foolio” is demanding union representation. Following is our exclusive interview.

Adam: Are you the same Foolio who has been posting comments on our blog?

Foolio: Yup, that’s me.

Adam: Why don’t you tell the readers your real name?

Foolio: I’d rather not, but Kevin Gillogly knows who I am. He’s still upset with me for not supporting him when he wanted to run for Council.

Adam: Foolio, why do you want a union?

Foolio: The working conditions here are awful. David Moon, Nancy’s campaign manager, is a tyrant. He keeps us chained up in Nancy’s basement. All we have to eat are little Hershey’s bars and Diet Cokes. He eats all the cheeseburgers himself. I want a cheeseburger!

Adam: Diet Cokes and Hershey’s? That’s all you get?

Foolio: There’s also a giant box of caffeine pills. It says, “Compliments of the Montgomery County Chamber of Commerce.”

Adam: What else is going on?

Foolio: The only time we get to leave the basement is when we canvass. Moon attaches ankle bracelets with GPS chips to all of us. If we wander off our canvass map, a pickup truck full of Carpenters Union members grabs us and brings us back to Nancy’s.

I think I’m getting carpal tunnel syndrome from all the door knocking. On top of that they now have me clicking away on this stupid Internet poll. But they won’t let me file for workers’ compensation because they’ve misclassified me as an independent contractor!

Adam: IPoCS (Internet Poll Clicking Syndrome) is a serious problem. Al Carr and Hugh Bailey are still recovering from it.

Foolio: Why is Moon so obsessed with these blogs? Everyone knows that no one reads them!

Adam: That’s true. I get emails from readers who say they don’t read our blog all the time.

Foolio: So we finally started calling unions to come organize us. But MCEA, SEIU Local 500 and MCGEO all said they weren’t interested.

Adam: Hmmm, that’s a mystery. I wonder why that is?

Foolio: Well, we’re forming our own union. Moon finally broke down and agreed to let us have a union election. It’s going to be on April 16th.

Adam: But Foolio, that’s the day after the primary. You’ll all be out of work by then.

Foolio: Dammit! I knew something was up with that. And I had to give Moon the last campaign cheeseburger to get him to give in!

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